Getting mindful with Tara Norman
Guilt, anxiety and tantrums:
How do millions of mothers do this day after day with such ease?
From a very young age, I knew I wanted to be a career woman. I wanted to be financially independent and able to support myself and children if my future husband ever died or left me.
I was very practical.
The only hurdle I anticipated was graduate school. After I finished school, I figured that all the rest would fall into place. I estimated that in only a few short years I would be living the good life. I would have easy work, a flexible schedule and plenty of money.
Bringing in the dough. Becoming a social worker was hard work but I loved it. The work was challenging but rewarding and well worth it. However, it would take years of supervision and exams before I could even begin to think about opening a private practice and bringing in the dough.
After I got married, I decided to go back to school again. I could hear my biological clock ticking and knew I had only a limited time to up my credentials and “guarantee” future financial security. My plan was to combine my social work background and my pending special education background to tutor kids with special needs.
This plan was working out very well at first. I was already tutoring clients before I stepped foot in graduate school. I saw clients days, nights and weekends and was thoroughly enjoying it. I could even see a couple students pro-bono, which made me feel like I was truly making a difference.
I’m pregnant, what now? Eight months pregnant, I finished my second round of graduate school. I started to become anxious about how I was going to continue at this rate after I had the baby. How lo ng was I going to take off? Would clients wait for me to return or would they find someone else? I’m going to need someone to watch the baby while I work.
Things worked out fine until my son was about 17-months-old and he started screaming every time he saw the babysitter. Why all of the sudden? I knew she didn’t beat him – they actually adored each other.
My son was experiencing separation anxiety. Although separation anxiety is a very normal stage of growth and development, it nonetheless created a hole in my heart and inhibited my ability to concentrate.
My son’s reaction became so bad that he had to be taken out of the house when I was seeing clients. I began having anxiety attacks anticipating his screams, “No mommy work!, No mommy work!” getting louder and less intelligible after each word due to the hysteria in his little voice.
I was not and you are not alone! After talking with hundreds of working mothers, I learned I was not alone. Mothers struggle daily with the trials and tribulations that accompany being a working mother.
Here are some of the best tips I have received from the most seasoned working mothers.
1. The early years are the most difficult. Rest assured that your young child’s cries are more difficult for you than they are for her/him.
2. Make sure you spend quality time with your kid(s) when you are together, whether it be reading a book, helping with homework or watching a show together. So many working mothers are (understandably) too stressed to enjoy their children and end up missing out on all the “little things.”
3. Talk to your child(ren) about your work and what you do. Explain to them, “I’ll play checkers after I make this call to Mr. Jones. He is giving me the information on the copiers he’s buying.”
4. Try not to transfer your guilt onto them with statements such as, “Mommy has to work so hard so we can afford your ballet lessons.”
5. Make sure you stay involved in your child(ren)’s lives. Know who their friends are, what they are interested in and any issues they may be struggling with.
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